


Speak To Me

by Pinkstationfrerard



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Muteness, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-06-10
Packaged: 2018-04-02 16:19:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4066528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkstationfrerard/pseuds/Pinkstationfrerard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler didn't talk.</p>
<p>It was something Josh had gotten used to in both of their daily lives, and he didn't let it stop them from having their own little version of normal.</p>
<p>Josh was terrified to know what had led Tyler to stop talking completely. </p>
<p>(Please ignore tags to avoid spoilers, and check them if you fear themes mentioned further in the story may be triggering.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak To Me

Tyler didn't talk.   
  
It was something Josh had gotten used to, every conversation exchanged with the use of technology or a pad of paper, Josh talking and Tyler responding with his pen in messy handwriting or with a number of quick taps on his phone.   
  
Of course, Josh always wondered why it was that Tyler was a mute, when it started, possibly when it would end- but one reason he and Tyler were so close was because Josh wasn't one to prod. It was Tyler's privacy, and if he wanted to share, he would.   
  
They oftentimes walked together in the hallways, Josh talking about something that had happened the previous night with Tyler making facial expressions and little breathy noises that conveyed his reaction. And it was just _them_.  
  
Josh always looked for that tiny little smile, that chuckle that seemed to make Tyler's whole body shake with amusement.  
They would be just _them_ , and it wasn't anything but normal. But from the outside, their daily manners seemed strange and foreign. Josh had gotten used to it after six months of what looked like a one-sided friendship, but it was anything but that.   
  
Tyler contributed everything he thought he lacked with his adorable, shy smile, with the little notes he would constantly leave for Josh to read in random places, and their constant reassurance through physical contact.   
  
When Tyler had first shared his poetry with Josh, his head ducked and arms wrapped tightly around his legs, Josh couldn't help but wonder what he was constantly thinking in that busy mind of his.   
  
From that point, Josh knew it must've been something terrible that made Tyler feel like he couldn't talk about it, talk at _all_. The sixteen year old's writing was dark, and it scared Josh a little bit to know that Tyler spent some nights up for hours just thinking, feeling trapped in his own head without any exit.   
  
Sometimes, Tyler would text Josh at 2 am, waking him up to have the bright-haired boy just talk to him while Tyler breathed into the phone softly.   
  
It just became normal to them.   
  
Josh and Tyler were always together, after school eating food or watching movies at one of their houses. Whenever Tyler was back at his home without Josh, he felt an intense lack and black hole in his life that Tyler usually filled with his presence and witty comments written on scrap paper and old sticky notes.  
  
One Friday in the middle of June seemed like every other, seemed like their own special version of normal.   
  
Josh and Tyler were in the mall, Josh gripping a plastic spoon that hovered over an ice cream bowl. Tyler doodled on Josh's hand over the table with his usual concentrated look, brows furrowed and lips slightly pouty.   
  
"You know, you look cute when you're in your own little world." Josh commented, watching Tyler's head pop up from his concentrated state.   
  
"I mean, not like you're not always cute, sorry." Josh chuckled, eyes crinkling up into a smile. Tyler bit his lip and focused his attention back on his sharpie that hovered over Josh's hand, eyes flickering back up to Josh's eyes every once in a while.   
  
Josh just did his usual task of watching Tyler. It wasn't like the other boy could protest or say anything, although Josh knew he was thinking 'you're such a creep, Josh', or at least something along those lines. Tyler was always amusing like that.  
  
"I am not a creep." The newly sharpie-tattooed boy muttered. Tyler's eyes flickered back up, proud and unsurprised that Josh had basically read his mind as usual. It was just so easy to predict what Tyler was thinking after being friends with him so long, Josh supposed.   
  
They both jolted a bit when Josh's phone buzzed in his pocket, and he temporarily slid his hand away to answer the call while still eating what remained of their chocolate fudge ice cream.   
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Josh. It's Auntie Kelly. I think Tyler's phone is turned off, he didn't answer any of my texts. He has therapy in about 45 minutes, where are you two boys at?"  
  
Josh peered around the mall and at Tyler as Mrs.Joseph talked, brows quirked in curiosity. The other boy just stared innocently back at Josh, waiting for him to say what was going on.   
  
"Hi, Mrs.Joseph. We're at the mall, but I'll get him home soon before then. I think it just slipped his mind, and I don't have the best memory either, so." Josh finished with a halt, free hand twirling his spoon around the flimsy bowl.  
  
Kelly sighed from the other end, a bit of relief and frustration mixed together. "Okay, stay safe and see you soon. Bye, Josh."   
  
Josh replied with his goodbyes before he ended the call and slid his phone back in his pocket, giving Tyler a questioning glance.   
  
"You knew, didn't you? I know you don't like doing your sessions, especially since it's through Skype, but c'mon. Don't get in trouble." Josh tried his best to not sound like he was scolding Tyler, because it really just wasn't his place or his role. He never wanted to be overbearing and make Tyler feel like a child or a responsibility, so Josh just kept him in line as well as possible.   
  
Tyler sighed a little and pulled out his phone, sliding past a bunch of messages from his mom as he opened his notes app.   
  
' _It makes me feel worse. Talking with you is less stressful, less rehearsed._ ' Tyler typed out, shrugging and sliding the phone over to Josh.   
  
As usual, Josh typed his response back instead of talking whenever he could, since it made Tyler a lot less insecure about that little part of him.

  
_'I'm no doctor. c'mon, stick thru w it, she can't be that bad.'_   
  
Tyler twisted his lip as he read the text, eyelashes half-fluttered down as he read.   
  
_'Not as bad as him, at least.'_  
  
Tyler looked practically sick to his stomach as he slid the phone back, avoiding eye contact with Josh and hugging his knees close to his chest.   
  
Hell, Josh was a little scared of who 'him' was. Josh  _knew_  Tyler hated therapy, knew he had to do it online for a reason, but it was obviously a sore subject for the poor boy. It gave Josh a gut-wrenching feeling that twisted the pit of his stomach whenever he saw Tyler get like this.   
  
"Ty, you know, you can tell me what happened. If you want. It might help you, y'know, get through this. But just... No pressure, man." Josh persuaded out loud, fingers drumming lightly against the table.   
  
_'I will, promise. Not here, not now. Can we go?'_ Tyler typed out, looking nervous and pained and he stepped up and grabbed the empty paper bowl to throw away.   
  
Josh simply just grabbed Tyler's hand and interlaced their fingers together once he got back, both of them walking through the mall hand-in-hand as Josh hummed quietly to try and soothe Tyler's nerves.   
  
It was their usual again, shoulders bouncing against each other every other step, Josh resisting the urge to kiss Tyler's forehead in the middle of the mall and tell him that it was going to be okay. Tyler was not very comfortable with too much public physical contact, though, so Josh just held his hand and weaved them through the crowds of high school students and assorted families.   
  
On the short bus ride home back to Tyler's, they placed their school bags by their feet and Tyler rested his head resting on Josh's shoulder while the red-haired boy laced their hands and arms together comfortably, earbuds on opposite sides as usual so they could be closer. It was just one of those Tyler and Josh things, casually intimate.   
  
"Boys! You made it home safe. C'mon Tyler, it's almost 5:30." Mrs.Joseph called out once the two boys walked into the house, Josh carrying both bags much to Tyler's dismay.   
  
It wasn't like Josh viewed Tyler as _helpless_ , but really, he just wanted to do anything and everything to make his best friend's life easier. It was just his simple mission in life to make sure Tyler was ok, mainly because he almost never was.   
  
Tyler nodded his head and the two teenagers made their way into Tyler's room, Josh setting the bags down by the door after closing it.   
  
"I'll probably go play on your electric drums while you do your session if that's cool with you. Give you some privacy." Josh said, going over to the mirror standing crookedly over a messy pile of books that half-covered the reflective surface. He took a moment to adjust his hat, barely attempting to tame his wild red hair.   
  
He ended up placing the hat on Tyler's desk on top of a stack of math help books he knew Tyler never studied with. Lazy bum.   
  
From the view in the mirror of the bed, Tyler was sitting cross-legged with his shoes kicked off, eyes wide and face looking conflicted. Josh's deep brown eyes flicked back to himself for a second before he turned around completely, looking at Tyler questioningly.   
  
"You do want to be alone, don't you? I know you just type, but still. It's so.. Private and-"   
  
Tyler just shook his head, motioning for Josh to come join him. They both scooted back to the corner of the bed, the little safe place where they were surrounded by pillows and they could snuggle together without any excuses.   
  
Josh felt his throat close up and chest flutter annoyingly as Tyler sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head back into the groove under Josh's collarbone next to his shoulder. Short chocolate-brown hairs tickled his chin, causing Josh's lips to curl up into a smile and his dimples to pop up once again.   
  
It felt so _dumb_ , so stupid how hopeless Josh felt. He loved Tyler, loved and respected him more than anyone else in the world, but it was so hard to also be in love with him when he could never tell Josh loved him back too. They'd shared their "love you"'s over text, but Josh longed for, craved to hear Tyler's voice. Just once. It was probably so adorable and squeaky, like a mouse, just like Tyler. He ran circles inside his own brain thinking about it all.  
  
Not like their definition of love for each other was the same, if Josh was honest with himself.   
  
Tyler's eyes slid back open slowly and he pulled out his phone, opening his notes. Josh wondered why Tyler never deleted the old ones. Maybe it was because he got lonely, or maybe he just missed Josh a lot. Probably both. Hopefully more of the second.   
  
It was cute to know that a good half of their friendship was stored in that phone, and sometimes Josh wished he could read through their in-person discussions whenever he wanted. Josh for sure re-read their text conversations way too often for it to be healthy.   
  
Tyler's thumb moved in a familiar way as he typed, quick and knowledgable from how often the boy was texting to make up for his lack of speech.   
  
_'I want you to. You said you wanted to know, so, maybe it'll come up. I don't know, you've been with me in sessions before, dude.'_  
  
Josh's eyes skimmed over the words, and he thought about the way Tyler texted. It was usually very grammatically correct, unless he was lazy or they were in a rush. Josh always theorized that it was because Tyler lived vicariously through his phone, when it came to communication at least. It was his only form of talking, so he had to make it realistic for his own sake.   
  
_'I know I have, but this feels.. different?'_ Josh texted back, biting his lip.   
  
_'Everything else feels different but that way I feel about you.'_  
  
If _that_ didn't send chills down Josh's spine and start a mosh pit of butterflies in his stomach, then Josh thought nothing else ever would. One thing he loved about Tyler was his intensity, how unafraid he seemed to always be when it came to words.  
  
 _'Me too. I just think I'm scared to know that you're really hurting, because I wish you didn't have to.'_ Josh typed back, gingerly passing the phone back to Tyler. They both had solemn looks on their faces, Josh especially jittery and restless.   
  
_'If it makes you feel any better, just know that I'm doing much better because of you.'_  
  
 _'I'm glad'_  
  
There was a little lull where Josh's fingertips just brushed the back of Tyler's hand, a few seconds of feather-light touches until Tyler twisted himself and interlocked their hands once again. He rested his face on Josh's chest, both of them sitting in silence. Josh liked silence sometimes. Silence with Tyler was always the best kind of peace.   
  
Tyler was usually weird about physical contact from anyone else. Even with Josh in the beginning of their friendship it was oftentimes tense whenever Tyler would suddenly flinch and move away from Josh, mouthing an apology and looking extremely uncomfortable.   
  
It took a month or so, but Tyler became more comfortable with Josh than the young boy had ever been. According to Mrs.Joseph, at least.   
  
Their little exchanges of touches turned into a regularity after that, Tyler's parents always saying things like "you're a miracle worker!".  
  
"Hey, it's 5:25, I'll go get your laptop." Josh whispered gently, prodding Tyler's arms from around his waist. The tiny boy made a noise of protest, deep and low in his throat, which was the closest Tyler ever came to words.   
  
Josh clambered out of the tidy navy blue bed and made his way over to Tyler's desk. It was covered in notebooks full of writing and pencils and assorted pens sorted neatly by color. Tyler spent most of his time in his room, organizing over and over again. He liked things clean, and realizable. Written in one of the many journals was Tyler's explanation to Josh about it.   
  
Josh's fingers brushed one of the more recent journals, the one they decided to exchange every other day and on their day with it, they had to write a page about whatever they wanted for the other person to read the day after. It was one of Josh's favorite things about being best friends with Tyler; they were so much _more_.  
  
Josh grabbed Tyler's dull black laptop from under an open notebook, leaving the pages open on the desk. He turned back to Tyler, who was waiting patiently propped up against the pillows with his legs loose and relaxed.   
  
After a couple minutes of getting situated, they were right back to where they started, Tyler opening his Skype and keeping the video on as he always did at the start of his lessons. The ringing of the call from his therapist filled the room, loud and sudden in their silence.   
  
"Hello Tyler. Hi once again, Josh, will you be sitting in again?" Dr.Hemmings said in a cheery voice. She was a sweet lady, and she seemed like the type who was really easy to talk to once Tyler could manage to open up.  
  
She was sitting in her office chair, laptop propped up on her legs or a high table. Dr.Hemmings wore one of her usual brightly colored blouses, with floral patterns that Tyler said reminded him of his grandma. Personally, Josh just felt like he was sitting with a nice lady on the bus, one to make simple small talk with but never really dig deep.   
  
"Hi, Dr.Hemmings. Yeah, I'll just sit here and talk if you ask me to, I suppose." Josh said, eyeing the figure on the screen and studying her face.   
  
_'Hello. How are you?'_ Tyler typed out, tiny little tapping noises that synced to text forming on the chat screen next to Dr.Hemmings's face.   
  
"I'm good Tyler, and you?"  
  
 _'Fine. School was okay this week, Josh and I just came back from the mall.'_  
  
"That's good. The mall?" Dr.Hemmings questioned, suddenly interested. Her eyebrows peaked as she spoked, lips twitching. Josh knew she was thinking more than she would bother saying.   
  
"How did you do around all those people, Tyler? Not as bad as last week, I presume?"   
  
Josh could tell Tyler was just going through the call as seamlessly as possible, talking about small little weekly issues that Dr.Hemmings hopefully wouldn't make him elaborate on. It wasn't working exactly, to say the least.   
  
_'It was good, Josh helped me out a bit when I was upset.'_  
  
Dr.Hemmings's face twitched again, features pressing closer together. Inspecting, examining. Josh knew that Tyler could never truly trust her as anyone more than a doctor.   
  
"What were you upset about?"  
  
 _'Just Dr.Rod.'_ Tyler typed back slowly, expression still. Josh had never heard that name before, but it appeared to be very familiar to Dr.Hemmings.   
  
"Alright. Does Josh know about him?" She answered back after looking back up to the screen, possibly wondering why Tyler never changed his face during therapy sessions. He had told Josh "I don't want to give anything away", like he didn't _want_ it to really help.   
  
_'No'_ Tyler answered, swirling his mouth around in little nervous movements.   
  
Dr.Hemming's gaze flickered back to Josh's figure on the screen, glancing at his poker face as he watched the exchange. "How has your relationship with Tyler been recently, Josh?" Dr.Hemmings asked, skipping over the previous topic. _She_  also knew it was something to not prod or poke, and that frightened the red-haired boy beyond belief.   
  
"Well, we're good. Not much has really happened since you guys talked last, I think. We keep going with the daily journal, if he told you about that."   
  
Tyler's free hand held Josh's once again, their knuckles braced against the edge of the computer. Josh could help but think of the way she had phrased things- "relationship". It was a very general statement, it could be a totally platonic label, but the idea of being Tyler's boyfriend made him a little too giddy inside to be healthy.  
  
Dr.Hemmings nodded, dusty blonde waves staying still with her head movement. Josh could practically smell the hairspray.   
  
"Yeah, Tyler told me about that. I think it's really great how much you involve him in things and support him, we tend to talk about you for most of the time during our talks."   
  
Apparently, that wasn't what Tyler wanted to hear her say, and his fingers twitched in Josh's grip. The other boy had no idea whether he was a priority in Tyler's mind, although obviously he was important to Tyler considering how much time they spent together.   
  
Josh just wanted to be _his_. Tyler was his best friend already, but it just wasn't enough for him. He needed to know Tyler wouldn't spook and leave Josh, know that they could be even more than their already deep connection. Something about the label of dating appealed to Josh, and he wished it didn't so he could be perfectly content not worrying whether or not Tyler liked him back.  
  
Josh couldn't help but smile at that and glance down at Tyler, gaze soft and adoring. "Do you really?" He asked without any teasing in his tone of voice, just so Tyler knew Josh wasn't making fun of him.   
  
Tyler's tan skin had managed to rise to a subtle blush, lips drawn tight and his eyes focused on the computer screen. _'Yeah, dummy.'_  
  
Josh turned his attention back to Dr.Hemmings, throwing her a charming smile before responding. "Nice to know I'm cared about as much as I care for Tyler. One thing I've always found important was to make sure I'm not babying him, you, or whatever."  
  
Josh ran a hand through his hair nervously, feeling a little self-conscious all of the sudden. He realized it wasn't just him and Tyler- it was him, Tyler, and Tyler's therapist, like an elephant in the room that separated their Josh and Tyler time. Only she had a doctorate.  
  
"I'm glad he has a partner as supportive and kind as you." She smiled, eyes crinkling up in the corners, genuine.   
  
_Partner_ was more, parter meant an actual relationship. Josh felt his own face go a little red, and both him and Tyler looked at each other at the same time. Tyler was giving him a sort of panicked look, mixed with one that said 'you talk, please please'.  
  
"We're, uh, not dating." Josh said, turning up to look at Dr.Hemmings. She looked surprised, those blonde eyebrows shooting back up again.   
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed- and Tyler didn't seem to type to be blatant about it. I don't want to cause any awkwardness, so I apologize, Tyler." Dr.Hemmings said in a voice laced with an apologetic tone. It was almost like she knew she was right, yet she was apologizing.   
  
All in all, Josh was confused.   
  
Did Tyler like him as more than a friend? That blush seemed like evidence enough, but Josh was clueless and he just _needed_ to know. But he couldn't.   
  
_'It's fine.'_ Tyler typed out simply, face assuming his usual blank stare in front of the laptop and the tiny little Tyler and Josh trapped in the screen, cuddled close together and hands disappearing together under the frame.   
  
Tyler seemed to want to pull away, create some distance, but Josh knew it was just because he was self-conscious, too. He didn't let the other boy get away with completely giving into his insecurities, just like Josh did to himself.   
  
"So, what about school? Are kids still a little mean?" Dr.Hemmings asked, reaching up to fix her hair. Not like much could be done with how stiff it looked.   
  
Josh knew kids were a little mean, made fun of Tyler behind him knowing they could get away with it, but after a big incident they seemed to back off. Especially after Josh and Tyler became friends, people seemed to realize that picking on someone was much easier when they were a loner.   
  
"Cowards." Josh muttered under his breath, only low enough for Tyler to hear. The other boy smiled, biting his lip down as he typed.   
  
_'Josh here makes sure they aren't anything but pleasant. I think the only times anyone is ever mean at all is when I'm alone, I guess.'_   
  
Maybe Tyler wasn't aware of the spark that would ignite in Josh, or he just didn't care. Either way, he felt his own brows scrunch up and his body stiffen as he felt the edge of anger peak closer.   
  
"Kids are... Teasing you?" Josh hissed out in a low voice, eyes intent on the keyboard. Tyler looked up at Josh with surprise at the outburst, pretty brown eyes stretched wide.   
  
_'No, nothing like that. Just the occasional rude stare, really, don't worry about it, Josh.'_ Tyler typed out quickly, shaking his head. He looked back up at Josh as the redhead read, face softening as quickly as it had done the opposite.   
  
"It's still not okay, but.. Just stick with me, okay?" Josh asked in a weak voice. He sighed and laid back more, pulling Tyler closer to his chest. The laptop wobbled and steadied once again as it balanced on each of their legs.   
  
"That's better than how it used to be, at least. The reason these kids are unkind is just because they don't understand, Tyler." Dr.Hemmings said, voice calm and reassuring.   
  
Josh didn't understand. He wanted to, really badly- but he wasn't about to ask until Tyler was ready.   
  
They talked with Dr.Hemmings for the next hour, Josh receding back to just watch the exchange and read and listen. Tyler seemed to break through a little bit more and become honest over the course of the session, and Josh felt.. Proud.   
  
He voiced this opinion once they had ended the call with Tyler's therapist, the two boys drawing a little closer to each other and laying on the bed pressed up against each other.   
  
_'Proud of me? Why?'_   
  
"I don't know, just.. Talking to both of us about hard stuff. It's hard. But I.. I really am proud of you." Josh ran a hand in long strokes up and down Tyler's back as he spoke in a quiet voice.   
  
_'Josh, I have something to tell you.'_  
  
Only then did Josh realize how badly Tyler was shaking. It was like his whole body was shut tight, with his eyes screwed shut and fists clenched in Josh's shirt.   
  
"Tyler, it's-"  
  
Tyler already had the phone back in his hands, though, and he was typing through a few tears that spilled out slowly.   
  
Josh looked at what Tyler had typed and suddenly, the world stopped and all Josh could think was how, why, why.   
  
It was so much worse than he could've expected, mainly because Josh could never bring himself to really think about all the possibilities before.   
  
_'My first therapist, Dr.Rob, sexually assaulted me when I was 11. I guess that's just a nicer word for rape, but, yeah.'_  
  
Josh felt something thick and heavy rise in his throat, something disgustingly sour. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to throw a fit, but all he could do was lay there and stare at the phone screen.   
  
Tyler had been raped.   
  
When he was so young, too. Josh could imagine it too easily, little 11 year old Tyler playing basketball, trying therapy out for the first time, and... And Josh couldn't bear to think about it.   
  
Tyler took the phone back before Josh could form a proper response, eyes pink and watery. It was so _long_  ago- 5 whole years.   
  
Tyler hadn't said a single word in _5 years._

What made Josh think he could be good enough to break that cycle? It broke his heart to know for sure what happened to Tyler, of course he always knew it was a possibility- Josh just wished it wasn't. He was a coward.  
  
 _'I was so scared, Josh. It was so long ago, but I'm so pathetic. I just.. Can't speak, he told me that if I told anyone- I did, but never vocally after that. The doctors have all said its just a coping mechanism.'_  
  
Tyler dug his fists harder into Josh, his entire body trembling once he set down the phone again. Tyler even cried as silently as he could- there were no sobs to be heard.   
  
"Tyler, I'm- I'm so sorry, it's okay. I love you so much, I'd never, ever hurt you." Josh choked out through his own hot, wet tears. He felt earth-shatteringly guilty- why hadn't Tyler told him earlier? Did he not trust him?  
  
Was it just that hard for him to talk about it after five years?  
  
Tyler took a good minute of deep breathing while Josh rubbed his back and scratched his scalp before replying, face lifting up from where it was plastered to Josh's chest.   
  
_'I know. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier. I love you, too.'_ Tyler responded. He rubbed his cheeks against Josh's collarbones affectionately, face still twisted as he searched for comfort.   
  
The dark-haired boy seemed to be at peace with himself after a few more minutes of calming down with the help of Josh's gentle touches, face falling and growing sleepy. Josh's own mind wondered to the possibility that Tyler couldn't even be emotionally ready for a relationship- he didn't necessarily know for sure that Josh couldn't even hypothetically pressure him into anything, although Tyler  _should_ know that.  
  
It wasn't until a good amount of gentle cuddling and Josh's humming later that he could bring himself to ask Tyler about something besides Dr.Rob that he really needed closure on. It was then or never. "Tyler... About what Dr.Hemmings said. Do.. do you.. L-like me? As more than a friend?" He asked cautiously, fingers nervously skittering through Tyler's hair.   
  
Tyler sat up at that, calm face growing serious. He was curled up against Josh's side, half sprawled across his chest, looking expectant for Josh to elaborate more.   
  
"Because.. I'm in love with you." Josh breathed in with a shaky sigh, resisting the urge to tear his eyes away from Tyler's dark, earnest ones.   
  
Josh expected the other boy to pull out his phone again to type out some apologetic response, but instead he just played with the hem of Josh's shirt with a soft gaze.   
  
"Ty-"  
  
Tyler leaned forward ever so slowly, cute little nose bumping against Josh's as their lips met in a soft and tender kiss. A surprised high-pitched noise sounded in the back of the red-haired boy's throat, and he slid a hand over the back of Tyler's neck to bring them closer.   
  
The kiss was so unexpected and sickeningly sweet, adorable little Tyler completely unsure what to do with his  mouth. Josh realized it must've been his first kiss- it couldn't have been anything else with how nervous he felt above Josh. It was way too endearing for Tyler to even be a real person.   
  
Josh swiped his tongue over Tyler's lips and craned his neck back to press a couple more pecks to the other boy's lips before taking a moment to just feel _happy_.  
  
He was happy that Tyler was getting better, that he loved Josh back, that he could hug and kiss him without feeling unsafe. It made Josh ecstatic, all of his previous doubts seemingly washing away with just one little short kiss.  
  
Tyler had a dopey little smile plastered on his face, and he was looking at Josh like he was some sort of golden ticket.   
  
"I want you to be fully okay. Even if it takes more than 5 more years, I'll be with you all the way."  
  
Tyler nodded his head to say "I will".  
  
Josh didn't need any phone for him to know that, to know what Tyler was thinking right then and there, because they were still just Josh and Tyler, two boys who could read each other's minds.   
  
"You can speak to me once you find your voice."  
  


**EPILOGUE**

The words had started coming slowly. One day, Josh had asked if Tyler wanted pancakes, and the other boy answered him with a tiny "yes". Josh couldn't have cared less about the poor mug he dropped when he heard Tyler respond to him.   
  
He'd finally heard Tyler speak in the tiniest, cutest voice Josh could've imagined. He didn't think he had felt any happier in his entire life.   
  
It started to build up and become natural to Tyler after that, tiny mutterings of "please" and "thank you" turned into small sentences, which eventually formed actual conversations between the two boys.   
  
For quite a while, Tyler would still only speak to Josh. He couldn't exactly complain, because his boyfriend was finally starting to get better. After five and a half years, Tyler could trust someone enough to talk.   
  
It wasn't easy, and it wasn't quick, but it was better than Tyler himself had ever hoped for.   
  
Josh's favorite day in his small existence was his seventeenth birthday, when him and Tyler laid on the roof of Josh's new truck and just watched the stars together, cuddled together on top of a fuzzy blanket in the warm June air that held a recognizable comfort of summer nights.    
  
They still liked to share their silences, of course. Everything yet nothing at all had changed.   
  
"Ty?" Josh asked, thumbing the back of his boyfriend's hand.   
  
Tyler turned his head to look at Josh, that familiar gaze that held more than words ever could. Josh stared back, eyes half-lidded as they shared breath, faces leaning towards each other.   
  
"I love you." Josh whispered, giving Tyler's hand a squeeze. This was his real present- it was what Josh had wanted all along. Now that Tyler could speak, he could finally hear him say it right back.   
  
It took Tyler a couple seconds, almost like it took a lot of strength to muster up such powerful words.   
  
"I love you, too."   
  
It was a bit crackly and unsteady, Tyler's voice sounding so unused after so many years, but it was perfect all the same. Josh grinned so hard his cheeks hurt, big white teeth flashing and dimples practically popping out of his skin.   
  
Josh pressed closer, bringing their noses together, before turning his head to kiss Tyler like his lips were air, desperate to keep the words tangled on Tyler's lips close to him, close to his heart. 

It was good to know that neither of them had a reason to be afraid any more.

"I don't think I'm lost any more, Josh." Tyler whispered under his breath, barely loud enough for Josh to catch.

"You never were."


End file.
